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I had two options for what to watch last night. I could have watched some utterly depressing baseball (3 games worth). But rather than soak in the gloom, I headed over to a colleague’s Hollywood apartment to watch the next most entertaining thing on television, The Presidential Debates.

Was there a clear-cut “winner”? Clearly not. Did both candidates clearly get their message across? Definitely. However, as I was listening to some pre-debate radio punditry, I was reminded that with today’s television audience, what’s (unfortunately) most important (as far as TV debates go) is not what the candidates say, but rather how they say it. Personally, I would like to add to that equation, that what really matters is what necktie each candidate chooses. The following is a brief history of presidential TV ties! And may the best tie win!

1960: Kennedy v Nixon. Winner: Nobody. This first tie battle, which is also the first TV debate ironically winds up in a literal tie. The reality of black-and-white TV makes it utterly impossible to declare a winner, which is really too bad, because a well-placed and amply distracting necktie can divert all attention from a typical five o’clock shadow.

1988: Bush v. Dukakis. Winner: George Bush, because he’s bold and brave enough to take on Saddam as well as the strangely colored striped necktie. My guess is that Dukakis’ eye-level view of Bush’s tie was the decisive factor in putting his candidacy into hypnosis following the debate.

1992: Bush v. Clinton v. Perot. Winner: Nobody. This would have been a good debate to televise in black and white. After all, all three came dressed in matching prep-school attire; dark suit, white shirt, bogus notions about economics, and almost identical black and red ties. Awwww……so cute.

2000: Bush v. Gore. Winner: Bush, who just prior to the debates, mailed Florida residents a set of matching red ties, in what later turned out to be a genius move.

2008: McCain v. Obama. Winner: McCain. Staring at Obama’s red tie, left me wondering whether Barak is subtly appealing to moderates or is simply confused about which party he belongs to. The only confusion left with John was whether his red and white tie should leave us calling him John Mc-Candy-Cain.